This blog is about my husband and me, our love and our dream of having a baby. I thought writing this blog would be therapeutic for me and may be useful to others struggling with infertility. At least others will realize they are not alone. I find it so frustrating that infertility is rarely talked about. I think it's important to find support- others who understand what you are going through.
Currently, I am waiting to undergo my first in vitro fertilization treatment. Of course I am scared. Before I start talking about the process, let me tell you a bit about us and our story.
I never thought I would have the challenge of infertility. My mom and sister conceived their children with ease. I never knew so many couples had fertility issues because no one ever talked about this potential issue. After 5 months of dating my husband we found out that he had testicular cancer. We decided that he should deposit sperm into a sperm bank before chemotherapy. Thank goodness he did. At that point we had already "named" our future children and we joked about him making them that day. A year later, which included 6 rounds of chemotherapy and two major surgeries, we got married. We were so happy he was healthy and we decided to just get used to being married. One year passed and we didn't try to conceive because I had to undergo major oral surgery. We decided to try after my procedures were finished to try to have a baby. This was last year. At this time his sister was also trying to have a baby and we quickly started getting excited about the thought that we may be pregnant at the same time. Unfortunately, a month after we started trying we received the terrible news that his cancer back. He had major surgery again and this time 4 rounds of chemotherapy. I was SO scared. Thankfully, he survived.
We realized that we didn't want anything to hold us back from having a baby so we scheduled an appointment with the fertility clinic. It was quite frustrating because they kept on saying that my husband had to get blood tests, sperm analysis... for us to get a consult. Finally, a nurse understood that my husband had gone through enough and that because of the chemotherapy we couldn't use his sperm anyway for 1 year. Did you know that? I had no idea! The chemotherapy can affect the sperm and so you are not recommended to conceive until it is out of his system. Thank goodness for the frozen sperm.
Speed ahead 6 months later... I have undergone numerous tests to ensure I am ready for in vitro. We decided to go straight to IVF plus ICSI because I found out I may have a blocked Fallopian tube (30% chance), post-cystic ovarian syndrome and hypothyroidism. In addition, we need ICSI for the sperm has low motility and low count. In a way I am glad I am contributing to the infertility. I didn't want to blame my husband for having to go through this process. Of course the cancer is not his fault. I am just glad we're both in it together.
A few days ago I called the clinic because it was Day #1. Unfortunately, because the doctor who does the egg retrieval is away at the end of the month we have to wait for the next cycle. There is also a large chance that we will not be able to start the next time either since the clinic will close down for Christmas. Ummm... A lot of waiting.
In the mean time I have decided to try to stay away from baby showers... Very difficult. So many people are pregnant or have kids. It doesn't help that people constantly ask when we're going to have kids. I now am forthcoming with our dilemma. Of course I realize I probably shouldn't tell them so much. My husband doesn't tell people as much information. I just want support, but I have realized some people do not care about your problems. You realize that those people are not your close friends. My husband and I have certainly figured out our true friends from him surviving cancer twice.
In a way I am happy I am not starting the fertility meds right now. It looks intimidating. However, if the process leads to a healthy baby it is so worth it. I will try to enjoy my time with my husband and enjoy the freedom. Might as well embrace what we do have.
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